---------- ACTUAL BUMPER STICKERS: ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- I love cats ... they taste just like chicken ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Out of my mind. Back in five minutes. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Cover me. I'm changing lanes. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Happiness is a belt-fed weapon ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let her sleep ---------------------------------------------------------------------- I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather ... ... Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car ... ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Tow-ers will be violated ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Montana -- At least our cows are sane! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Jesus died for my sins and all I got was this lousy t-shirt ---------------------------------------------------------------------- The gene pool could use a little chlorine. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Don't blame me, I'm from Uranus. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Your kid may be an honor student but you're still an IDIOT! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- It's as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Friends don't let Friends drive Naked. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Wink, I'll do the rest! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- I took an IQ test and the results were negative. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- When there's a will, I want to be in it! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check? ---------------------------------------------------------------------- If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat? ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- It's lonely at the top, but you eat better. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Reality? That's where the pizza delivery guy comes from! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Forget about World Peace.....Visualize Using Your Turn Signal ! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Give me ambiguity or give me something else. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- He/She who laughs last thinks slowest ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Consciousness: that annoying time between naps. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- i souport publik edekasion ---------------------------------------------------------------------- The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Why is "abbreviation" such a long word? ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Ever stop to think, and forget to start again? ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... till you can find a rock. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- 2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- I like you, but I wouldn't want to see you working with subatomic particles. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- I killed a 6-pack just to watch it die. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Sex on television can't hurt you unless you fall off. ----------------------------------------------------------------------