This article was printed in our college newspaper awhile ago and received a favorable response. So, I sent it to the QRD. There it sat until I decided to HTML it. If anyone has any additions, corrections or suggestions, let me know!
On coming out - Aerospace Engineering
The sum of the internal forces and tensions do not cancel out and equal zero. Instead, they add to the momentum required for the critical acceleration to overcome the force of friction holding shut the closet door. This is true of any inertial, heterosexual, reference system.
On why to come out - Mechanical Engineering
The distortion factor involving the truth of gays and lesbians is proportional to the critical resistive value of the conservatism of the country divided by the area of open homosexuals.
On stereotypes - Mathematics
Within the subset of the queer community, there exists for every member unique characteristics relating to the individual member, while having general characteristics such that the subset is unique, yet non-disjoint from the larger set of society.
On sinning - Astrophysics
Sin and perversity are relative, because of the grand unified theory. As repression decreases, the limit of all sin approaches zero, until differentialized homo, bi and het orientations approach the singularity function of non-gendered society.
On orientations - Electrical Engineering
Homosexuality has a 90 degree phase shift leading heterosexuality, as seen in parallel circuits. When done in series, in a perfectly conducting society, one cancels out the other and thusly is modified to bisexuality.
On sex - Classical Physics
Most forms of sexual behavior involve simple harmonic motion. When plotted, they are virtually indistinguishable from each other.
On what causes it - Computer Science
Let all members of a population be defined
Let Kinsey be defined from 0 to 6
Assign random Kinsey to each member - population(x)
For all Kinsey >= 2, let member=queer
On reality - Astronomy
There are billions and billions of fags, dykes and bi's
On blaming - Geology
The relative permeability of queerness in life today is not the cause of continental drift.
On integration - Industrial Engineering
Motion and Time analysis have proven that when recognizing and using all forms of sexuality simultaneously, the most efficient and productive society is properly utilized.
Author - Dave Doyle